My path - from pain to healing. From despair to trust. From feeling lost to feeling whole.
“I love my body and trust its wisdom"
Yes this was hard for me to say only several years ago. I was diagnosed with an incurable so called “auto-immune disease”, fatigue syndrome, I suffered from chronic bladder infections that made it hard for me to sleep, I had pain all over my body - in my joints and bones, pain under my skin, an inflammatory gut system, an overload of several viruses - antibiotics didn’t help anymore, a very bad pap-result that needed surgery,…. to make it short: my body was out of balance and I didn’t know what to do anymore.
I tried to go on. I tried to get up. I was ready to fight it. Being a dancer, surrendering was almost impossible because I needed my body to function. I needed my body to work. I tried to hold on to it. Afraid of losing my grip. Afraid of losing the last thing that made sense to me.
“I love my body and trust its wisdom"
Pain was my daily friend… but as if that wasn’t enough, one day, during a dance performance on stage, I slipped away, in full speed, and fell to the ground - I knew instantly it was bad, I knew I couldn’t move, I knew it was over. I was game over. It was as if the time stood still. Thousand thoughts at once, pain, silence, fainting - between worlds.
I remember thinking:
“Now, everything is lost. Everything is gone.”
I felt like dying. ... Strangely at the same time I felt like flying, like not being my body anymore. I felt like being with the pain and at the same time lightyears away. I felt lost and held. It was one of the most shuttering but somehow holiest feelings I ever experienced.
The title of the piece I danced was: Metamorphosis - happening at the night of the summer solstice. The night, from when the days start to be shorter again. The night that reminds us that the sweet days of summer don't last forever. The night that symbolically stands for constant change, for dying, and rebirthing. The night in that we are said to be closer to heaven. And in this night, I was not yet realising that I started my own change, my personal Metamorphosis.
I needed several surgeries. My body didn't heal the way it was supposed to heal. Experts: helpless. I couldn’t get back to walking. Dancing seemed lightyears away.. Amongst all the other things I had, this hit me the strongest.
It felt like I lost my home. The touch to ground. Movement. My body. My soul.
30. Unable to work. Unable to move, to go out, to dance, to date (I was single and far away from finding a boyfriend), unable to live the life I wanted to live.
“I love my body and trust its wisdom"
But what did my body want to tell me?
Doctors told me that "I didn’t look too bad, I should keep on” - when I couldn’t get out of bed anymore. “It was all psycho-somatic” - when I was lost in pain, “I was far too young to not work anymore” - when I was hopelessly in despair, that “I should simply drink a glass of red wine and do some yoga”, - when I couldn’t even cross the street by the time the green light was on, “that I risked the life of my unborn children” if I didn't take these antibiotics immediately - when I asked for alternative healing methods.
I felt lost. Alone. Still with the wish to live. The wish to be healthy. The wish to understand: “What did my body want to tell me?”
And out of despair, with the wish to find a deeper meaning, the wish to find answers to my many questions, my very own way of healing started.
I began to research, I tried every single healing method that came across my way (from conventional to shamanistic methods), studied naturopathy & medicine, read tons of books and watched thousands of videos.
And little by little I became a master of my own body. With every therapist that told me: “You are doing wrong, you should do this or that to heal” - I came closer to my true self. With every voice that said: “You are crazy” I started to believe in myself. With every medical analyst that tried to tell me the truth about my body, I started to hear the whisper of my inner voice. Little by little with every step and every breath I found back the relationship to myself and to my inner world.
“I love my body and trust its wisdom"
I discovered the beauty of being damn slow, of resting, of simply being. I began to be grateful for having this time with myself and my body.
And little by little I began to heal. Little by little I found out what I needed and what was my very own way of healing. On my path I met wonderful people that helped me and encouraged me to listen to my own voice. And I promised myself: One day I will give something back. One day I will be an example for others. One day I want to bring my knowledge to the world.
And here I am. 6 years later. Ready to serve. Ready to be a light for those who need help. I want to be the one that tells you:
“There is nothing wrong with you. You are absolutely right the way you are.” I want to encourage you to find back the connection to yourself. To remind you of your own power.
This is why I offer my healing and reading sessions. To show you a way to communicate with your body. To read its signs. To listen to the other dimension inside of you. So it may guide you. It may lead you to your own voice.
And the difficulty but also the treasure is:
There is not one true and only way to heal. There is only your way.
But I can be there to hold the space. I can be there to lead you into your inner dimension. I can be there to take you by the hand. I can be there to remind you of how powerful and beautiful you are.
Love,
How can I help you?
1. Contact me for a 1:1 Energy Field Reading Session. Travel to your own inner healer. I am happy to work with you and share my knowledge with you.
In a 1:1 Session I connect to the energy field in and around you, discover hidden dynamics on all levels (body.mind.soul) and softly release them. I combine my retrieved gift to channel information with various techniques and methods to achieve the highest possible healing effect for you for you.
Every story and every person is different. You are a unique being on your unique healing journey. I guide you on your journey to your inner wisdom, your own inner healer. At your own speed and with my highest respect for the journey you may be on. Read more...
2. I regularly share my morning routine (20 min meditation) with you and am happy if you benefit from it as much as I do. You can find the links for free participation below the post.
I am happy to connect, to meet and to accompany you on your way.
Share with me your thoughts: Have you ever experienced a situation when out of the blue everything was twisted upside down? How did it feel and what did help you? Or are you still in such? How does it make you feel? What did you take away from my story? Do you have more questions?
Connect: Follow me on Instagram, Facebook or join one of my workshops.
It all starts from within. It all starts today.