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Healing family wounds. 7 important steps to improve the relationship to your parents.

Aktualisiert: 21. Okt. 2021

Healing the Parent-Child Relationship with Family Constellation Therapy.

“No matter how far you go, you will always be connected to your parents, either in a way that strengthens you or in a way that weakens you.”

-M. Toledo

A very effective method to reveal hidden dynamics and heal the relationships to your parents is family constellation therapy. I share with you why I started to work with family constellations and ancestral healing and why it can be an essential step on your healing journey.

Healing the relationship to your parents. - My first approach to family constellation therapy.

The first and one of the biggest steps on my healing journey was the acceptance of my parents and to realise that I will always carry a part of them inside of me. I know it is not an ease one. And depending on the relationships you have with your parents and the experiences you made you may have your very own way of integrating your roots and making peace with the past.

Family constellation work is a wonderful method to approach your father or mother wounds, to let go of repetitive inherited patterns or find peace with your current situation, in your relationship towards others or towards a family member. Unsolved family problems may cause an imbalance in your day to day life - private or professionally and result in a lack of self-confidence and trust, weaken the immune system or cause chronic illness.

But exactly this huge importance is why there is also an immense possibility for healing. Healing the relationship to our parents means healing our roots, or foundation in life, the ground we stand on and the connection to our physical body, our home.

What percentage do you resemble your mother?

Several years ago I was devastated and at the lowest point of my health. Suffering from chronic fatigue, pain and exhaustion. Symptoms I knew that my mother had and I never wanted to have. The relationship to my mother was not at best, I hadn't spoken to her since a year. I remember that I decided to become anything but her. I wanted to live a different life. A life full of ease, happiness and without pain. But now I was facing similar physical problems than her and I was desperate. After seeing many doctors I went to see a shamanic therapist in Berlin. He asked me: "What do you think? What percentage do you resemble your mother?"

"Zero" I instantly said.

He looked at me and asked, why I didn't want to be like her and what characteristics I didn't want to have. Then he asked me, what I thought about my grandma. I told him that in many ways my grandma was the same like my mother, just worse. "So what percentage do you think your mother resembles your grandma?", he asked.

"90" it burst out of me.

He looked at me and asked again: " So, what percentage do think you resemble your mother?

I couldn't talk anymore. Pensive and brooding I went home. I felt provoked, exposed but somehow also relieved. Even though I didn't know what to do with it, I noticed a change happening within myself.

And this is how my journey started. I was curious. If I was 90% like my mother, how could I find peace with it? How could I heal the relationship to her and my past? How could I heal the mother wound within myself?

7 important steps in healing the parent child relationship.

Improving your bond and the relationship to your parents - taking your mother and father.

"In Family Constellations we use the term "to take"meaning an inner embracing, a deep integration of our parents within us, just as they are and were. This taking goes beyond “accepting” our parents, which is a mental attitude that actually makes us feel superior to those we accept. Since life flowed through our parents and onto us, when we succeed in this healing movement, we become aligned with life itself. For some people taking their parents is easy to imagine and for others this may seem like an impossible task. After all, some people think, how can I possibly embrace the people that hurt me so much?

Healing begins when the desire to heal is stronger than our anger.

There is a part in ourselves, a wounded child, that may have felt ignored, neglected, abused, smothered, abandoned etc. and wants to protect itself from the pain by rejecting our parents. The healing process can begin when, in spite of the wounds, our desire to heal is stronger than our anger, when we are open to the possibility of seeing our parents through a different, softer, wider gaze. At the same time, we ourselves can become the inner parent for that part of ourselves, we can be the adult that lovingly nurtures and takes care of our inner child and his/her needs.

Become fully present in your life, reveal subconscious dynamics

In Family Constellations we go into another realm, the realm of the soul. In that level, we are presented with the subconscious dynamics that we are not able to perceive in everyday life. Even though it appears that a client may be angry and want nothing to do with his/her parents, at this deeper level something completely different comes to light. Sometimes there is a deep longing for them, or a desire to save them and take on their burdens, or repeat their destiny, or many other entanglements that can emerge. As a result of not taking our parents, we are not fully present for our life, our present family, projects, etc. because part of our energy is fixated on the entanglement.

Some of the consequences of rejecting our parents

  • Feeling alone and unstable

  • Inability to manifest our projects

  • Feeling disconnected from life and others

  • Feeling of emptiness

  • Difficulties to create long lasting and nourishing relationships and bonds

  • Addictive behaviours

  • Lack of self esteem

  • Depression

Transforming the inner image of your parents is one of the most life affirming processes you can do on your healing journey.

So what is involving in taking your parents and finding peace with your past?

  1. Assenting to them as they are

  2. Acknowledging their greatness because of the mere fact that they brought you into life

  3. Respecting them and their destiny

  4. Letting go of the expectation that they should have given you more than what they could give

  5. Leaving what belongs to them with them and not taking it on to want to save them

  6. Taking what came to you from them

  7. Feeling that you have their blessing and permission to live your own life and do it in a way that may be different from the way they lived theirs.

Are you ready to begin the journey to heal your parent wound?

Contact me for a 1:1 ENERGY FIELD READING as a first step to heal your parent wound. I use the principles of family constellation work and combine them with ancestral, soul- and spirit healing to help you finding the steps you need in order to release old wounds, identify deep hidden trauma, heal your parent wound and establish a nourishing and healthy connection within your ancestral lineage and yourself.

Contact me for more questions or to book an appointment. I am happy to guide you on your journey.

Also, if you found this valuable and insightful, leave a comment and let me know: What is one thing that came up for you after reading this?

Love, Sarah

The Healer Within

Connect to your own inner wisdom.

Deep. Transformational. Soft.


Hellinger, B. Ohne Wurzel keine Flügel

Hellinger Institute, Family Constellations, Taking your mother and father, M. Toledo

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